The women below have signed my petition Stop Ignoring Dead Women and shared their experiences of surviving male violence. Many other women have simply stated things like “it could have been me,”, or “I’m a survivor/victim.”
Names and identifying features have been changed.
| Mandy | “Last august 2013. I was beaten and kept locked up by my husband. Lucky I got hold of some friends who managed to get me out. I’m sure something worse would have happened if I hadn’t of got out. He is still abusing me because my life has been turned up-side down where as he’s carrying on as per. And the police didn’t want to know as he had a few marks on him from me trying to defend myself.” |
| Bally | “Because I was a victim of DV for 16 years and I would have died, and so my daughter, if I hadn’t escaped.” |
| Joan | “6 years of DV and nearly being killed by him.” |
| Sarbjit | “I know what it’s like to be in a relationship with a violent man” |
| Frances: | “I survived. I have a voice. They don’t.” |
| Rachel | “I was in an abusive relationship, and thankfully survived it. It’s the most emotionally draining, heart-wrenching thing to think that someone you love is capable of ending your life. I’m one of the lucky ones, and I hope there are many more lucky ones once laws change and people become aware of this plague.” |
| Sally | “I was a victim of domestic abuse 28 years ago, now my daughter is a victim of mental abuse, things don’t seem any better after all these years. Fear is stopping her going to the police for support, in case she makes things worse.” |
| Debbie | “As an ex- battered wife I think too many women are being killed by partners and acquaintances in the UK and this must stop.” |
| Beth | “I suffered 15 years of domestic violence, was raped by my husband, and nearly ended up dying through domestic violence, he is still free to walk the streets. We need change of laws to help protect women against violence from men. A women’s aid refuge saved me, if it wasn’t for them, I’d be dead.” |
| Terri | “I have personally been a victim of extreme domestic violence and know many women that have experienced the same. I have known the fear of losing my life, of not knowing if I’ll live to raise my children and of not knowing when, if ever, this fear and blackness in my life would ever end. I am now free but not many women are that lucky! This needs to end. Now!” |
| Jasbinder | “This is important as I am a woman and I have experienced marital violence. The perpetrator of this was a middle aged and middle class man, he is a high ranking officer in a professional organisation and would attend meetings about working with perpetrators. I am a middle aged professional woman who to society appears to be very assertive and confident. It is very difficult when you live with someone who the world sees as a “great bloke” If it happened to me it can and does happen to anyone. Just before I left him he told me quite calmly if he could kill me and get away with it he would.” |
| Jill | “I was a survivor of domestic abuse and women’s aid has helped me through a very horrific life with an abuser without the support I could of been not so lucky its very close to my heart.” |
| Mandy | “I was a victim of dv for 22 years.” |
| Julie | “I managed to leave a violent relationship BUT it took many times over 6 years which included a restraining order at one point and Him being charge and bound over for a year. I was lucky! But the support the police offered was lacking and the male officers on the case reduced/belittled my appeals for help (after he broke the restraining order ) as almost hysteria and didn’t follow it up which resulted in e going back after the last worst attack. I was lucky and I researched domestic violence and narcissism and sociopaths etc. but more needs to be done to raise awareness of the death till but also more education regarding the personality – as an afterthought even relate (I went on my own so divulged all) didn’t warn me or suggest I was in a violent relationship.” |
| Karey | “I have been in a relationship where my male partner attacked me. I fell lucky that I was not seriously injured or killed. It made me realise that this is happening on a large scale, and to a wide range of women. Women’s Aid do some good courses to help women through recovery. I now believe that sexism runs deep, many men (and women) carrying on with attitudes, beliefs and actions that act against women.” |
| Sally | “I have experienced fear in 2 previous relationships with obsessively controlling men. I am lucky I suffered no physical harm and escaped the abuse by ending the relationship. No one would ever have suspected these men of violence.” |
| Rose | “ Been there and I think women need real help to leave these relationships, especially if they have children. A hostel isn’t very appealing to someone in great pain and distress. Husbands/others always make women change their minds about leaving, pressing charges etc. If you’ve been beaten for years you believe any crap they tell you, self-esteem went out the window long ago. Fear works wonderfully well no matter the situation it’s used in.” |
| Millicent | “I was very nearly another dead woman in 2012. I had to fake I was dead or I would be.” |
| Denise | “Because my mum was in an abusive relationship for 7 years and it stripped her of her self-esteem.” |
| Veronica | “ I am a survivor from domestic violence, not from physical but emotional and mental, sexual abuse. we need to stop these weak men from killing us inside and outside.” |
| Joanne | “because it happened to me and the police wouldn’t help me the worst of it was mental abuse am left with bad memories of what he did to me and my children.” |
| Dawn | “I am lucky to be alive myself after an ex-boyfriend attempted to strangle me when I ended our relationship. I was at his mercy for 4 years after this as I knew he could murder me at any time. I lost my freedom for 4 years as was in essence his hostage. I had to pretend I was upset the day he ended this as his eye was taken by another. As I was secretly celebrating, his next poor victim had 2 children with him and married him. He was given an 11 year sentence for attempting to murder her and raping her. This has to stop. In 21st century Britain, ex partners should have the message that they do not have the power over anyone.” |
| Alison | “My ex -husband was convicted this March for assault by beating but of course it was the only one witnessed by others. I am a strong professional woman and it happened to me! We need support and to be protected. Ironically he has taken me to court for my house and at the last FDR the judge thought he was a poor soul and I may lose my home and the funds I invested in it. This man tried to kill me with witnesses in the home! I am sadly also having treatment for an aggressive breast cancer caused by the distress he put me through and I would not be going through a divorce if he had treated me better. The law is very unfair in this instance.” |
| Lou | “I was a victim of domestic violence for six years. I was repeatedly kicked in the head on a number of occasions. It was never reported to the police.” |
| Sharron | “Only after my husband had tried to kill me & our two children with a bread knife did I learn that he had a history of violence with other partners. This was followed by victim blaming from the two male police officers who attended. Nothing much seems to have changed two decades later.” |
| Doreen | “I have just come out of a physical and mentally abusive marriage with the help of social services. These men are evil and so controlling to the point they think they are normal. I was the only person to speak out his ex-wife never did neither ex partners but if I had known he was abusive I would never have gone near him. As my three children also ended up in intensive counselling and child protection. People should name and shame as it saves so much heartache. By the way my soon to be ex husband seems to be the perfect man. If only I had known.” |
| Jaboon | “Having been abused as a child by over 4 men, then raped by another, then requiring 15 armed police from Telford to get me away from a 3rd – not sure how long the government can keep ignoring the plight of women and giving pathetic sentences to those who are convicted. I’m not a victim I’m a survivor but not everyone’s been that lucky.” |
| Natasha | “I have experienced domestic violence and even though it was a single incident it was extremely serious and I believed I was going to die. The ex-partner who perpetrated the violence was convicted, but he continued to deny the actual violence and he minimised the impact on me and on our child who was present. I still have to deal with this man regarding child contact and but he was not challenged in the family court over his denial and instead the focus was on my reticence over trusting him with our child when he has also been violent with her. I would welcome the investigation of root causes of any type of domestic violence so that the perpetrator can be made to fully understand the impact of their actions so any future relations can benefit.” |
| Cheryl | “I was attacked, frightened and threatened with murder by an ex-partner and I couldn’t even get legal aid for an injunction. In the end I moved away from the area. Perhaps if people were aware of the breadth of such situations more women would get help.” |
| Fiona | “As a survivor of domestic violence, I feel not enough is being done both through education of young men and women and in the sentencing of perpetrators. My attacker received a suspended sentence after pleading guilty to ABH and subjecting me to years of abuse. This is not good enough and does not give me the feeling that justice has been done. The women who have died deserved better from the elected government and so do those of us who got away with our lives but carry deep emotional scars and a sense of injustice around with us every day.” |
| Sasha | “My husband – an Oxford graduate and surgeon hit me when he came home drunk.” |
| Susanna | “My first husband almost killed me in 1966 when women had few or no rights.” |
| Faye | “Because I remember.” |
Karen Ingala Smith 
I don’t care what was going through his head. He wanted me dead. End of. The hunt for me lead to my sisters door and he murdered my sister in my place. He has just been released from a Life Sentence for the murder of my sister, and the attempted murder of my brother-in-law. Living with this every day, I am re-living this all over again.
F. I am so sorry to hear this. xx
I am deeply sorry to all of the survivors who experienced domestic violence in their lifetimes. I am glad that all of you are alive to tell your truth. Many women are not that lucky. The main question we should be asking here is “why do men do this??!” What makes them harm someone that they claim to love? Why do they rape, murder, and assault women? Has anyone ever asked them? I know that the focus in d.v. cases are the victims ( and rightly so), but I really, really wonder if anyone in law enforcement has tried to get into these pathetic men’s heads and tried to figure that out. Is it their nature? Social conditioning? Television? I have been emotionally abused before, and have survived going crazy! I am also a rape survivor who DID ask my rapist why he was doing this. His answer ? “Because I’m a crazy motherfucker!”
I have been affected. Watching the person who gave birth to you undergo emotional and sometimes physical abuse from someone who cannot handle themselves accordingly . It changes you , it changes the way in which you see the world and that is why I’ve signed
So sorry Amy.